Friday, April 13, 2012

Bottom Bitches?


Peace, All. Recently I found an interesting posting on blackgirlsareeasy.com about bottom bitches. For those of you unfamiliar with this term, I will attempt to clarify since connotations can vary widely depending on the circumstance.

bottom bitch /bätəm bich/ n - at the most basic level, a bottom bitch is a female of love interest who is in her man's corner, even when things go awry.

Now, I disagreed somewhat with blackgirlsareeasy's assessment of bottom bitches, but you all can decide for yourselves by reading the posting here.

According to my definition, the concept of a being a bottom bitch isn't in itself a bad thing. I'm not speaking of being a doormat; I simply mean that being a loyal life partner is something I value. Others may feel differently. Blackgirlsareeasy was referring to a certain type of female with low self-esteem who is often mistaken as a bottom bitch. Those women aren't bottom bitches; they're simply needy bitches. A true bottom bitch is a confident woman - confident enough to hold her man down when he needs her help, love, and encouragement and confident enough to send a man packing who can't or won't provide her with those same things. Forget any reference to prostitution.  We shall rescend the notion that a pimp, a man who in essence lives off of women's efforts and exploits the very concept of womanhood, is given license to place labels upon women.  The term "bottom bitch" need not be attached to race, economic status, or any concept other than being the foundation upon which a woman's family is built. Contrary to popular opinions regarding motherhood and femininty, that a woman will hold her family down is not a given.  There are definitely women who cut and run when situations become difficult.  Indeed, scary bitches know who they are.  Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that it's a sin to be a scary bitch.  Knowing when it's time to go is definitely an attribute.  However, in my eyes, a good partner is (among many other things) a strong and lasting one. 

How many times have you seen couples fall apart when the going gets tough? So and so lost a job, or it's discovered that so and so has a health problem, etc., and the person they trusted most to be there for them just isn't. It's not an uncommon situation. At the same time, there are couples who survive all types of catastrophic events, largely because the woman involved was a true bottom bitch. She's a woman who knows that relationships require not only love, but also loyalty, empathy, and teamwork. She's a fierce protector of the people she cares for. She's not afraid to get down in the trenches with her man to handle a difficult situation. She's also not hesitant to call her loved ones on their BS for the sake of keeping everyone honest and goal-oriented. She is a woman that commands respect.

I submit to you that Black women tend to be bottom bitches whether they wish to use that specific term or not, and men all over the globe are starting to take notice. Certainly there are men who would wish to prey upon the intentions of a bottom bitch, but there are people who seek to prey upon any kind intention. Spotting them is something that everyone in society has to learn; bottom bitches are not exceptional in this respect. So, ladies, if you are a bottom bitch, hold your head up high, and handle your business. Fellas, if you've got a bottom bitch, feel lucky, treat her well, and remember that even though true bottom bitches are some of the most courageous women you'll ever meet, expect the possibilty of physical confrontation should you address them in that manner, lol.

Xoxo,
Aya

16 comments:

  1. I am a bottom-bitch! Taking no mess but will hold it down.

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    1. To knowthyself..he hangs everything low in his crib weird right..but his a narcopath...sooooo this is how i ended up here bc bottom betch came to mind

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  2. Im a half million in the hole,no cool car 4 kids and shes,like I dont care I will ride you around in my van,and make love to you when you want,im lucky to have a bottom bitch.

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    1. That's wassup! I hope you're letting her know how much you appreciate her every day.

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  3. I am a bottom bitch and I love every day of my life I support him when he aint got shit and I always will to me a bottom bitch is the most loyal the bitch that's gon be there nomatter what

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  4. That's what's good, Sis! It's hard out here for bottom bitches! But I'm that love my King with everything in me type Chic. I'm down for my Man bc I know he's down for me!

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  5. My man just told me I'm his bottom bitch, but he also said that he's just getting done doing 8yrs. Its like what the heck am I suppose to think? But he says he knows I am the only one holding him down.

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    1. Peace. I want to be clear: being a bottom bitch is a concept, not a title, and it doesn't involve being treated any kind of way. If your man understands that you are holding him down, he will reciprocate by holding you down as well. If he doesn't seek to find out and provide you with what you need to feel safe, respected, and pleased in your relationship, then he isn't ready or able to be with you. Rewarding him for that lack of ability isn't going to help him become ready to be in a relationship with you. It only teaches him that you aren't of value, that he doesn't need to do anything to have you in his life. It hurts, but you gotta that situation back. It isn't about your failing or you lacking. It's about what you want for your life. I'm sure you don't want to spend your life giving and giving, but getting nothing in return. Thanks for commenting

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  6. Same here except I'm a lesbian. My girl told me I'm one the other day. I didn't know whether to be happy or offended..

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    1. Peace, thanks for commenting. Interestingly enough, I was in my favorite cheap eat spot this winter which happens to be next to an ivy league-ish college. This drunken fool in there called a woman he was with his bottom bitch. She got offended. So he proceeds to take a pole in this crowded shop at around midnight on a Saturday , asking whether bottom bitch was ok to call a woman. Of course, he turned and asked me and my friend about this, and my friend says, "If a woman is special to you, you call her your lady." This friend hasn't read this blog. Doesn't know anything about this post. idk. I don't think I'd let anyone get away with calling me their any kind of bitch. However I don't put down the concept. To me it's no different than someone calling me their nigger. I understand what they would be trying to say, and I'd appreciate the sentiment, but I'd also take the opportunity to gently inform that person in my most loving tone that we don'the words of oppression towards each other because no matter how they are meant, they always carry the negative charge from which they were born.

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  7. LOL! WOW You put a spin on that bottom bitch.. I have been married for over 14 years. My husband said you are my bottom bitch and I took it to the dart board. Feeling as if being a wife was not enough. Men always want to pimp pussy no matter what. MANHOOD.

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    1. Hahahaha! I feel you. Let him know what he's got and where the boundaries are, Sis! They need that from us. Thanks for commenting!

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  8. Being a bottom bitch has no racial boundaries...I'm proudly a bottom bitch for a special man...no we don't have that exclusive relationship and I CHOOSE THAT but I do have his back...give him all he needs when he needs it and vice versa...we have that understanding that whomever else is involved in either of our lives is separate from us...if we fall in love then we fall back...but I'll always be there for him and he will always be there for me....so regardless of what others may or may not believe my being a bottom bitch is my earned position with this man and I fully accept and want that...so when I'm in need...just hit him up and he makes it happen. Even if it means driving 3 hours and taking a couple days off work....bottom bitch never derogatory to me...in fact...it's a compliment...bc that means he is being pleased. I'm being please....it's a win win situation

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  9. Peace. Thanks for commenting. Idk, Sis. Sounds like you're putting a lot of work in. If it pleases YOU to do that, then that's great. But you know, I've been that drive 6 hours for a friend type. You call me at noon and say you need me, I'm there that evening. And for me, it was a good thing. I felt like a loyal friend. But when I looked around, those people I was going hard in the paint for weren't people who would do the same for me. I did what I did, and I'm not ashamed of it. However, I did learn to be more careful where I put my energy. That's hard for me because I like to be outgoing, but there are a lot of people out here who prey upon that. My outlook was: if I do for you it's because I want to, not because I expect something in return. I still feel that way to an extent, but someone once told me that expectation is an essential aspect of social interaction. If no one is ever expected to do anything or behave in a certain way, society breaks down. Finding a balance between those two notions is my task. Food for thought.

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  10. Me and my man were together in high school, now I am 31 and he is 30 we just got back together 3 months ago. We've been through the struggle together and on our way of coming up. While I worked he slept in the car and while he worked I slept in the car. He asked me just today if I would be his bottom bitch. I told him if course baby because u know I will always ride for u. Its crazy because after all those years of not being together we came back together like we never separated. I take care of my man in ways I believe all women should treat their men. I believe a relationship is 50/50 but at the same time what you put in is what you get out. Being called or considered a bottom bitch is not bad at all Its all about fulfilling the special name. Bitch is just something that people use losely. I have a lot of female friends and we say bitch to each other. I believe when people get offended by that word they are mentally immature. My opinion not yours. I am proud that my man asked me to be that. It actually means a lot to me. Means I'm doing a Damn good job of what I'm doing.

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