Friday, July 8, 2016

50 First Dates!


Peace All!  It’s been a long time.  I shouldn’t leave you without a dope line to read through ^_^, but there have been some reasons.  Besides focusing on some more pressing issues in my life, I have been wondering about a possible change in my plan of action regarding the dating situation.  “Plan of Action” makes it sound a little bit like I’m going to war or something, I know.  But even though I’m only interested in dating right now, I’d be lying to myself if I said that the overall goal was not to enter into a serious relationship eventually.  This being the case, I feel like I need to approach this dating situation strategically.  To that end, I have decided that my goal is to have 50 First Dates by summer’s end!  Yay!

So far, I’ve set up four basic rules for myself regarding these dates.  However, I can tend to be an overly obliging person, as is my personality, with a tendency to give “too many…n*ggas too many chances” or bend rules I make to suit the situation. So I’m interested in you all’s thoughts regarding these rules.  They are:

1. Take things slow.

This is actually a toughie in more ways than one because I can be prone to serial monogamy aaand because the concept behind my life of celibacy has completely lost its allure at present.  I’m sorry y’all, my fellow friends of feminine chastity, but it has. How long has it been, you ask?  Well I don’t want to be specific because of the possibility of bringing other people’s business into this discussion, but know there are probably some serious cobwebs down there.  I’m certainly not the type to pull a hit and run, but the thought had kinda-sorta-a little bit crossed my mind. Ah, the age old Slut-bag Whore vs. Sexually Liberated Woman debate.  Thoughts? Opinions?

 2. Be open to what comes.

I think I’m being pretty good about this.  I’m not seeking a specific type.  I don’t want to box myself or others in like that.  However, I won’t say that haven’t struggled over this concept a little.  For example, there was a person who messaged me who was so cute and complimentary.  Since it wasn’t really personal, I’ma just go ahead and give you a lil snippet of what they wrote. Shhhh! Don’t tell nobody.

Beautiful profile… I'm probably not the typical kind of guy you'd date.  Just wanted to say, your profile showed a passion that I feel is so incredibly rare these days. Thank you. Your love for public libraries is totally felt... there's something that I find to be amazing about individuals who learn... and who desire to share that wealth with others. It's a gift.

Adorable, right?  However, he was bisexual.  Now, let me be clear - I love my LGBTQI fam. Love.  As far as I’m concerned, that’s enough said.  However, because I’m heterosexual, I don’t think I could handle being in a serious relationship with someone who doesn’t see himself as hetero as well.  It made me feel like I was being a homophobe for a moment in addition to breaking my rule, but I don’t think I was wrong in my decision.  This particular person is awesome, and I hope we can become good friends, but it won’t be progressing beyond that.  There have been other situations which make me call my openness into question, but I’m doing my best I think.

3.  Do not accept less than what I feel I deserve.

 Now, I’m a notorious buckler in this regard.  My self-esteem is pretty good these days, however it has not always been.  I developed some bad habits back the day which resurface from time to time. I have to make sure I’m paying attention to what I’m doing so that I can assure myself that phrases like “what the hell?!” or “oh, hell naw!” will pop up in my mind at the appropriate times and keep me from acting like an ass.

4. Meet as many people as possible.

Truthfully I’ve not been doing so well in this area.  I’m taking some initiatives online but sure as hell not in public.  This is totally an excuse, but a lot of the time I’m with my children when I’m out.  I still remember once when I was younger and my Dad tried to use me to chat a lady up: “Excuse me, my daughter asked me if you were one of the ladies from En Vogue.” I was horrified!!  I could never wish such humiliation upon my children.  I’ve had people try to chat me up in front them, but I always shut that down immediately.  What kind of trifling individual would try to hit on you in front of your kids??   At any rate, I need to be a little more proactive with meeting people in public. I’ll admit, though, that I have absolutely no idea how to do this, lol. 

For those of you who know me personally, you may be aware that I have already had the first of my 50 First Dates.  I’ll give you some info on that in a forthcoming post.  Until then!

Xoxo,

Aya

1 comment:

  1. My favorite is #3. I wanna know how to do #4 too? I haven't tried the online way but I know I'm terrible in public. They're all great rules. I'm glad you limited it to four. Looking forward to your next update.

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