Peace, All. Ever come across some nonsense like this?
|This is a random conversation I had with a rather typical individual on a dating site.|
Please explain this behavior to me, friends! Where they do dat at??! And, before y'all go thinking anything strange, the picture he is referring to just shows me and a bit of my t-shirt. It's really not all of that. Yet such have been the nature of some of the online contact initiations. Seriously, some of these sites resemble the old West. Anything goes, and because people are not interacting with you physically, they feel free to let themselves behave in ways they certainly wouldn't (I hope) irl. Such behavior is generally automatic curse out grounds, and I'm not saying it's not. However, my occupation as a librarian requires me to be in very public places. As such, I realize that I need to use the utmost level of tact when giving even these idiotic dudes the kiss off, as is frequently necessary. I don't need anybody running up on me at work or elsewhere talkin' that yang. However, ditching outright ridiculous people isn't really an issue. The question is how does one give the heave-ho to someone who you've had constant contact with, whether that may be in person, via phone, or whatever?
Let me tell you all that this is difficult for me. I generally don't like making people unhappy, and I'm not a person who is accustomed to giving or receiving rejections. But a girl's gotta do what she's gotta. In truth, though I continue to go out on regular dates, the soulmate-finding process is slow - as perhaps it should be. I'm not just trying to be with someone. There are a host of guys on my block I could likely lasso up if that were the situation. I'm looking for a good fit for me and something that can be long-lasting. I expected this to take time. You could say that I'm less in the getting-a-man business and more in the weighing-of-options business at present. But how do you tell a guy he just ain't gon' make the starting team?
|"So ummm, let me just give it to you straight, bruh..."|
Behaviors that I've regularly encountered which result in me having to give guys the kiss of death are:
1. They talk only about themselves;
2. They offer few compliments... or too many;
3. They start talking about sex before you even get a chance to meet;
4. They can't find a way to coordinate with your schedule;
5. Their idea of a first date is me coming to their home to "watch a movie" ...
6. They are trying wife me up (ie make me their significant other) on or before date #1; or
7. They don't ask good questions, indicating that they aren't trying to figure out if I am someone they want to be involved with.
Some of these guys may be legitimately looking for relationships. Maybe they're just really bad at it. But a lot of them are definitely looking for some new booty, and some are just bored and looking for a female friend to pass the time with... which, of course, they would like to parlez into some new booty. As much as I'd like to be in a relationship right now, I'm not interested in giving what little time I have to a situation that is on a train to nowhereland (or being somebody's new booty). So, I've created some little guidelines for myself to cut those random, ratchet inquirers back softly.
I am never impolite if I can help it. Certainly there are situations which call for some carefully placed eff-you's or generally telling people where to go. But you never know who you might meet in a professional setting or any other capacity later in life. Also I don't want to give anyone a reason to act maliciously toward me. Just because I feel like it's over doesn't mean someone else will. These people are strangers and are thus unpredictable. For that reason, I rarely just stop calling someone. I've had some people simply stop calling me, but since they ended things, I feel reasonably confident that ceasing contact is fine by them. When I've met someone online and felt that things weren't going to work out, I've tried to just state simply that I've chosen to go another direction. After I've met someone in person, though, it's a little bit trickier. The whole "it's not you; it's me" spiel seems a little unoriginal to me, but it's difficult for me to be perfectly honest in such a situation. I've tried to give the person the courtesy of telling them in person if we've had a lot of contact, but generally I just try to stay professional and speak kindly, remembering that karma is one of those iron laws and considering how I'd like to be treated in that situation.
Stay sharp, single ladies, and don't settle or try to force unnatural situations. I've realized that dating is a lot like putting a puzzle together. Sometimes a piece seems like it will fit, when it doesn't. It doesn't make sense to try and jam it in there to make it fit because the picture isn't going to come out right regardless. You just have to keep sifting through the pieces, trying different things to see what fits.So don't be discouraged when you end up with a wrong piece. Chuck that sucker to the side and move on the next one.