Monday, April 8, 2013

Back To Black. - Update 3

Peace All. This update will place us in the present and look forward into some other things as -ATTENTION- I think I may have found something good! But I'ma keep a lid on it for now and see what develops. Meanwhile let me tell you how this came about, starting from this past winter when the cooler weather started to make my passion for dating wane.
When I started this thing, I was interested in exploring something new and different through interracial/intercultural dating and by utilizing online tools to meet people I normally wouldn’t in daily life. But honestly, that hadn’t been going so well.  I had met some good people, and I wasn’t ruling out the online thing or the interracial thing, but it occurred to me that I might be over complicating things. So I took a little tip from our Dearly Departed Amy, and decided to go Back to Black.  After all, the guys I seemed to have the most chemistry with thus far were either Black or into Black culture in various ways.  So I started to pay a little more attention to my bros and created an account on a dating site exclusively for Black people. That ain’t last as long as a snowball in hell. 
What the hell is wrong with people?? No, seriously. Remember that “you got some big ass titties” guy? Well Lovelies, they’re all like that on this particular site that I subscribed to and paid for – yes, I know.
Needless to say I deleted my account with the quickness, after about three weeks. I got a lot of interest, though.  More than I have on any other site, some of which I had been on for several months by this point. That was certainly a thing to take note of. I don’t doubt that there are any number of people who *would* date interracially were they presented with an opportunity to be with someone they already liked as a person.  However, I think there are far fewer individuals who specifically seek that situation out or would just consider it on general principle. At least that seems to be the case in my part of the South.  I don’t know what that says about me or America or race relations or what have you… It just is what it is.  I did found some guys to date principly through venues I had been using previously. But not unlike the Black dating site experience, the interaction I had with this round of Black men was also bust.  There was the guy in his 40’s who wouldn’t pay for my food and made me walk to my car alone…at night…in a downtown parking lot, then texted me to set up another date. 
 










There was a really sweet guy in his late thirties, ex-military, home owner, and taking care of his elderly mother. I am actually in a similar situation, so we bonded over that and seemed to get along well. He had a decent job working at a factory for a well-known company in the Triangle. However, one fine day after we’d known each other perhaps about three weeks, he quit this job over an argument with his supervisor - some testosterone comparison contest - and started working at the Waffle House. Perhaps it makes me classist, but if you are over 25 and work at the gd Waffle House, I cannot date you. Sorry. But more than that…what kind of adult with responsibilities just quits his job without having a new one previously set up? Upon closer inspection, there was a lot of other nonsense going on there that I wasn’t interested in getting involved in. Nah, homie. You good.
There was a guy in his forties who used some jacked up combination of slang and texting shorthand to convey to me the fact that I had been glowing in his dreams and was destined to have his baby or some such nuttery. Wth?! I’m tellin ya. No luck. Well almost. I did come across another young buck who struck my fancy^_^ Before I get to that, though I want to send out a quick word to you, Ladies. 

During this period, I met a fair number of Black men who stated their occupation was ‘welder.’ I learned quickly that this is lame n*gga code for unemployed.  I don’t doubt that these men were trained as welders and that some of them may even have held some type of licensure to that end. However, welding is simply a skill. While it may be a highly marketable skill in certain circles, as far as I am aware, ‘welder’ has not been a sole profession since the early years of the industrial revolution save perhaps in ship yards and automotive assembly plants.  Neither of these are in my vicinity. Thus, if you meet a 'welder,' don't be surprised if his real job is Waffle House Host lol.

I started to get really fed up, like where is my D'angelo lookin', cool ass Bilal type guy, with M-1's mind, Andre's oddity, Mos Def's versatility, and Common's soul? 
From Top Left: D'angelo, Bilal, and M-1.
From Bottom Left: Andre Benjamin, Mos Def, and Common.

C'mon universe, send me something good here. But other than random cornballs, there were just a few guys worth looking at, a college professor, a web design student...but nothing to write home about at the end of the day. 
By late October, I had decided to put my soulmate search on hold a bit and look for a wintertime boo - someone to cuddle up with and spend time with over the winter, but nothing really serious. I just needed a break from the hunt and frankly from the disappointment.  Yes, I’ve had a lot of fun dating, but it’s not really my thing.  Never has been.  I’d rather just be settled and committed, though I know well that it’s worth the time to wait for someone good. It was about this time that I first heard from my Homie Lover Friend.  We were texting and emailing for a second and then lost touch a bit, so I continued about my business. It was at this time, I discovered my most recent young buck. I have a bit of a weakness for the young ones; they’re just so adorable! lol. This one was 24, Black guy: light bright (i.e. very light skinned), hella country, and a wannabe thug with fiftyleven tattoos, but very cute and very toned ^_^. He’s also quite an attentive fellow, waking me up early in the mornings after he'd get off the late shift with sweet little texts and flirting. Folger's in your cup just not doin it for you these days, Ladies? Find a 24 year old to tell you that he misses you at 7:00am each morning, and see if that doesn't become the best part of waking up. Yeah, the young ones do work hard for a good short period of time. He lives a little ways outside the Triangle, so we don’t know any of the same people. I consider that to be ideal for this sort of situation. It'd be fine if we just hung out and had a good time, right? We did. For a few months. And that, friends, is all I have to say about that. Infer what you will.
 
After this young buck, though, I decided to delete all of my profiles save one. I felt as though I'd reevaluate and proceed with a better defined purpose and strategy when the weather was warmer. In the middle of all that however, I was still thinking about my Homie Lover Friend. He made such an impression on me that he would come to mind fairly frequently as I wondered how he was doing and what was going on in his life. We got back in touch just after Christmas and have been in touch a few times a week ever since. As far as I remember (because we haven't really seen each other in about 9 years), he’s about 6 foot, thin and muscular, a chocolate skinned sweetheart. I can't say enough about how attractive he is to me or how he moves me.  He’s one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met, and there is a soulfulness to him. He's very passionate. We connect on so many levels. We discuss a lot of things, including the possibility of us being together. Often though, I find him speaking directly to my heart.  It's fullfilling. Yes, he's a bit of a wordsmith, and I stay wary of that. However,  I don't get a decptive vibe from him. We're very honest and communicative, and we have a nice little bond. Our situation is far from what one would wish when thinking about trying to start a relationship with someone, but I’m willing to take a chance here.  The kind of connection between us is one that I haven’t felt for a long, long time. I don't know that I’m willing to simply turn away from it just because there are complications. We'll see what happens. As I said previously, we are separated by a little distance, but we’ve made plans to see each other in the next few weeks. I'm excited! Send me some good thoughts. I’ll tell you all about it when I get back from our visit.










 Xoxo,
Aya

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